Oh, Lawd I might piss in some people’s Cheerios today, but I’m ready for what may lay in front of me.

Before I go any further, I want to clarify some things before I go in:

  1. This doesn’t apply to toxic mothers. I feel like we as adults who have cognitive thinking skills should already know this, but I know someone somewhere is like “nOt aLL moTherz ArE gOoD mOMs!” (I mean duh!)
  2. This doesn’t apply to the fathers who are busting their asses day and night to see their kids but the mothers won’t allow them because they are bitter as hell. (Which honestly should fall under #1 in my opinion but potato tomato.)

I woke up this morning to this hilariously sad post from a gentleman on my timeline who was clearly trying to gain sympathy for his situation. He and Baby Mother #3 (his words, not mine) had a disagreement by text regarding his desire to want to see his kids by Facetime.

Mind you this man was on Facebook live streaming from a hotel room, buying dinner and gifts for a woman he was dating on Valentine’s Day.

And the ladies did let him have it. I was sad that very little men jumped in and got him together.

She had had enough and was telling him that he never supports his child and that he hasn’t visited his child in the 5 months of the child being on this earth.

 



His response is that he doesn’t have a job and he’s doing the best that he can. That she should be understanding and not keep him from Facetiming his kid. In her frustration, she tells him that she always has to have it together. She doesn’t get to take time off and it’s not fair that he doesn’t have the same hustle to want to support his child.

You know what? I felt all of that.

I mean if you have a baby what the fuck is Facetime going to do? How is that parenting? I don’t believe we should keep fathers from their children but how unbelievably lazy is that? Not to mention it was just a fucking tease. I remember getting sporadic calls from my dad. Those didn’t raise me. In fact, it was like being thirsty and someone giving you a drop of water. Thanks for it, but it doesn’t quench my thirst for my other parent.

Being a single mother (and single father) is no joke. You don’t get to take any days off. You always have to be on. You always have to support your child because if you do not the ramifications of your inactions are way worse than the father’s actions or absentee parent.

If you don’t have a job, your child doesn’t have a home or food and may end up in children’s services. If you do not pay for child care you cannot work to provide for your child, so now you have to spread out even more money to support a child that you really do not have.

But hey he’s trying to get it together.

When you are sick, shit still has to get done. You can’t call into your kid and say “Man man, I’m not feeling it today. You’re going to have to bottle feed yourself.” You have to suck it up and force yourself to parent.

And true you could ask for help from others and pawn your kids off on someone else. But that’s not their responsibility. They didn’t lay down and make the child, you and the father did.

But at least he’s trying.

You can’t just try, you have to DO. The weight of the world truly is on your shoulders and every night you have to struggle and fight to keep your head above water because you are drowning. You have to learn to be loving and a disciplinarian at the same time because kids need both. You have to have patience because they are children and they do not know the world yet. But momma does, and right now the world is kicking momma’s ass.

But he should be able to see his kid anytime he wants

It’s funny to me how some men try to downplay single women raising kids like the shit is easy. Anyone who has kids 24 hours a day knows it isn’t easy. Kids are loveable but mannnnnn have you ever dealt with a colicky baby who won’t go to sleep and you have to go to work tomorrow?

Have you dealt with an 8-year-old who has a reading disability and you have to make sure the school gives them all that they need so that the child doesn’t fall behind? Have you dealt with a 14-year-old child who feel like they are grown as hell and you have to constantly restrain yourself from strangling them? THIS is raising children. It comes with the territory and is CONSTANT.
 



I can see why women will say no to sporadic parenting. All it does is throw off the routine that the mom worked so hard to put in place. Out of the blue, the father saunters into the child’s life at random giving them a little taste of what it feels like to have a dad, then bounces.

The child now wanting more is upset. Why can’t they see their dad more? Now they are turning up and raising hell. Going against their daily programming. Dad is like crack now, you had a little hit and if you can’t get more when you need it, you go through withdrawals.

Now, mom has to come back and look like the bad guy because dad doesn’t come through on promises or isn’t consistent. She has to re-program the now “unruly” child who is turning up in school and at home because they want to see the sporadic daddy who comes when HE has time.

Dad has a lot of on his shoulders

And this is just her raising kids. A small portion of her life. Well, a large portion actually. We aren’t even talking about how work is probably stressing her out with the non-sequitur bull crap that pops up all the time. Or even the day to day nuances that would stress the hell out of a person with no kids. But she has to put up with it every day.

But he’s the father and should be able to see his kid whenever he wants. At least he is making an effort.

But why can’t he just do instead of try? Don’t feed me that the world is more in favor of the woman bull. There are many ways to send financial support to your child. There are many ways to connect with your child.

If you can buy weed, you can send her a little money to support your babies. If you can go to the club, you can send money to support your babies. If you got time to have sex, you have time for your child. If you have time to play video games or spend hours on Facebook, you have time to see your children.

But the difference is that you have the option to fuck with your kids when you want to. You have the option to participate in their lives when you finally have money in your pocket or when you are comfortable.

Yet she is constantly uncomfortable. She has to watch you getting your hair cut, traveling here, and there while she has to stay in the house with the child cooking, cleaning, and helping with homework. You get to go out and try to get your life together, while she just has to keep it all together without missing a beat.

 



When he gets on top, then he can do better

I remember my mom told me my biological father said that he would help take care of me when he makes it as a music star. I just knew my mom was lying until my dad reaffirmed what she said and didn’t see an issue with what he said.

“The world doesn’t stop when children are born.” That’s what he said. True, but I’m not the world’s child. I am YOUR child which means your world should have stopped. Don’t like it? Stop having babies. Stop having unprotected sex.

Yes, I know she chose you and you were probably shitty from the get-go. She probably could have chosen better. But guess what? It doesn’t matter now.

There is a child that needs the both of you and while you are out here struggling alone, dating, and buy unnecessary shit for unnecessary people, she’s out here broke financially, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally trying to take care of another life so it doesn’t grow up to be an abscess on society.

So before you say your baby momma is tripping, ask yourself this: Are you truly being a good father? Are you really hustling like she is? OR are you just expecting her to shoulder the weight of parenting until you get yourself together?

9 COMMENTS

  1. I hope this goes VIRAL!! so many men need to read this!! Not only is this for the fathers who don’t have a job and need to get themselves together! but how about the ones who send their child/ children mother money every month but see the baby or kids every once in a while. I still consider that part time parenting! You get to CHOOSE when you want to be there and when you DONT! Single mothers/ fathers do NOT get to choose when they want to be present or not! Like you said you have to be ON ALL 365 days of each year! It’s very stressful being the primary caregiver even when you have help from the mother or father financially! It’s nothing like having someone to lean on the days you need to just take a breather!

  2. You go girl. I am with you. This has been very informative and everyone needs to read this especially part-time Fathers.

  3. First of all it’s always Mama’s babies and Papas maybes I have come to realize and I have not a problem with it that me and my son are a team there is nothing that his father can do for him that I can’t do for him.

  4. At the same time whether it’s a girl or boy they’re always going to want their daddy I refuse to let my unwanted child have or develop a daddy complex because we’re a team sometimes in my situation all the time we don’t need him we’re better off without him even though he look just like him which bothers me not at all I won’t punish my son because he looks just like his father

  5. And felt good to read this ! To see I’m not the only mother or person who thinks this way ! Especially after my situation being somewhat similar to this !

  6. So good thank you! My sons dad posts on social media he’s a “boss” weigh some bitch he cheated with taking the video/pic lol. So I commented and she called me bougie (cuz I like makeup and do nails myself and lashes the only thing I get done) and said I should do my sons hair? She don’t know me at all and he lies and says he tries to see his son and hasn’t seen him in a month! He also lives two block away. I can go on and on but be sucks and brags what’s he’s got but I made him leave cuz he was an abusive cheating ass liar. I found out I was pregnant and I was 40. Never expected to have a child again let alone raise him alone. It is what it is. Most of these men shouldn’t have kids or claim them when they don’t help at all. Shameful. Bless all the ladies like me that have to do it all especially with boys I get it now.

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