Why I get to hate you

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Most days I love my crazy life but I’m human and some days I wonder. Being a mother is suppose to complete you but when you’re doing it by yourself sometimes you feel alone. Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ll ever do but it’s the most rewarding title I’ll ever have.

I have a three-year old daughter. She has the most life I’ve ever seen from anyone. Her heart is pure, her mind is fresh, her life is blissful. My baby has no idea what it is to hate and what it is to love. Sadly, I do.

Some days I hate you more than others. How is it that one man can have so much responsibility but not actually tend to it? How come you get to roam freely while I push around a stroller. What’s even worse than you being free to do as you please is that my child doesn’t get that you’re shit. And I sure as hell won’t be the one to say break that to her. I’ll leave finding that out up to her.

Maybe I wouldn’t hate you so much if you were actually a parent rather than a babysitter. Actually, babysitters see children more than you see yours. How is it that you sleep at night? It’s probably because you don’t have a toddler waking you up at 2 am to go potty, or telling you they had a nightmare.

I love tending to the needs of my daughter but I’d also love to be 21 once in a while without worrying. I chose my path but not alone, you just happened to skip out of obligation much earlier than you were suppose to. I wonder what it’s like to be you? Do you wonder what it is like to be me and play both roles? Why do I hate your life yet admire it so much?

Maybe it’s because…

  1. You can just go where ever you want and do whatever you please. Me? No way, first I have to make sure we use the potty, is she going to get hungry, will she be crabby because she hasn’t had a nap? Crap, is the stroller in the car? There is no simple outing with a three-year old.

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