To the guy out there who thinks he’s a dad because he helped create a beautiful life and that’s about it, get a clue.

Just because I put on a nice face and talk to you respectfully doesn’t mean I am not hating you inside for the worthless man and “father” that you are.

The call you make every couple months to ask “how’s he doing?” or the occasional excuse of why you don’t help financially support your child doesn’t really make the cut on the parent definition.

My favorite is when you get some itch to try and be father of the year and call every other day for a couple weeks tops before you vanish completely down your hole for another few months.

Don’t think the toy you sent on Christmas makes up for the one you didn’t send on his birthday. Or the fact that you haven’t seen him in 3 years, more than half his life, will ever be acceptable in his or my eyes.

You will never be anything more than a sperm donor because your child does not know you and you don’t know him.

You don’t know his favorite color, song, TV show, his best friend, or his teacher’s name. You don’t know what scares him or what comforts him most when he is sick.

And even though I feel sad for my child that he was dealt the hand of you as his father, I pity you more.

You have missed every priceless moment. Every smile, every meltdown, the first bike ride, and first crush.

You will always be a shell of a man trying to fill a void that you never will be able to, and it is exactly what you deserve.

And to the moms out there doing it alone. You have no idea how strong you are.

Don’t ever let your child’s other parent make you feel less than you are because you are doing what God meant for two people to do, all alone.

When your baby is sad because he only has one parent and doesn’t understand, you hug them extra tight and let them know you love them enough for both parents.

And when they question why they are different than everybody else, you let them know how special they are and how you two make up two perfect parts of one whole.

And when you feel your heart is literally breaking at the pain you see in your child’s face because he wants a dad on father’s day, keep your head up and keep pushing forward so that he will grow up to be a better man than his “father.”

Don’t ever let your child or yourself feel less of a person or family because of the sperm donor who thinks he is a father.

And lastly, to the guy out there with big shoes to fill.

You will be so lucky when you find her and get to step into the spot that another man was too selfish to fill.

Take great pride in that woman allowing you into her and her child’s life. There must be something special about you to have been given that privelege.

And make sure you love that kid with all you have because he/she will love you like you have never known before.

And to the sperm donor who thinks he’s a father, good luck in life because yours will never be as good as mine.

19 COMMENTS

  1. Bryan^
    Dont try to blame ‘Britt’ for her lack of help… for you being a shitty dad!! Shes helping you enough raising her child alone! You are trash!

  2. Very beautifully stated and perfectly said took the words right out of my mouth I am a single mom with two beautiful young teenage girls who father has missed out on practically their whole life doesn’t even call every two weeks never comes to visit them and it breaks my heart for them even though he’s really the ones that’s missing out my girls will still grow up to be strong independent women and never have to depend on a man to take care of them and you can believe that their father has shown them that you cannot defend on men pretty sad when you can’t even call your daughters and let them know that it’s not their fault that you’re such an a****** and have nothing or play no part in their life it’s not them it’s you and I remind them of that every single day so that they don’t grow up and choose a man that is emotionally unavailable to them deserve the best and the greatest love from the one that will put them on a pedestal that will treat them like a queen that will let them know every single day how special they are so yeah here’s to you, sperm donor I hope you have a retirement plan for when you get older and need somebody to be there for you because you can believe that these girls won’t be just like you are never there for them, pretty sad that it had to be that way but they know that I love them more then life itself and that they do deserve the best of everything that their father could never give them and that is love.

  3. I love this post so much because I can relate to it. My “donor” hasn’t seen my 3, almost 4 year old, in over a year and right out of the blue he was texted me wanting to pick up on visitation again like he was never gone. She doesn’t know him and she’s comfortable in her little life she has. She has an amazing step daddy and sister and my family and friends and my husbands family love her unconditionally. But you know I’m the bad guy because I suggested he get to know her again before we do visitation even though it will literally traumatize my daughter.

  4. I did spend a day with my father as he lay dying. I guess that was all I needed, my step dad was there everyday making life easier and greater.

  5. I am a single mom, not by choice but by DV. so yes I have to heal for both of us.
    I have to be to be better role model for both sides of the arguments. Don’t trast me or bring me down. Don’t drag me to court over an over. Don’t degrade me in front of OUR child. As parents we are not perfect every day there are new challenges. So stop pointing fingers otherwise OUR child may end up Hating US.
    Let her grow. let her be free. let her have the best of each of us. We are no “june clever family” we are responsible for a little version of ourselves.
    Love them, cherrish them, guid them. If we cant get along show respect because we are our child’s keeper not each others. What people dont realize its not about the mom or dad anymore its about the littles an disciplining the you out of then for shows a better version for them.

  6. Exactly. My problem right now is that she is five and a half. And he started showing interest in her. And at this rate, she will never know he wasn’t around bc she doesn’t remember. I feel like it is so unfair that she will think he has been there but he hasn’t l. She will have no idea that I would show up to his house with her to try and get him to feel something for her by looking at her. She will never know I gave up when she was two. That he just never wanted her until now. Now she thinks he is the most amazing everything. All the while my heart has ached. Should I tell her eventually?

  7. This is a very well stated. There are plenty of sperm donors out here. But we also have to watch who we call sperm donors. Some of these sperm donors are fighting for their right to their children. A lot of them trying to see their children as much as they can. When talking to these so called sperm donors we have to take a close look at the mother. Do they work or are they living off their child’s child support. How many baby daddies do they have. ? 1, 2, 3, or more. Once it’s over two and don’t have a real job you get to wonder. Is she getting all these sperm donors, so she can live off the support and not make an effort to get a job. She’s not letting you see your own child because she’s bitter that the relationship between you and her didn’t work. She uses your own child against you because she know that’s the only way she’s going to hurt you Many of these so call super moms and moms doing it alone aren’t doing anything alone. They are on welfare. Collecting from 3+ baby daddies. Play the victim role so well they have a little fan club cheering them on to be negative towards the sperm donors. Not knowing that one sperm donor really want a life. Marriage. House. And most important a life with that one mother.

    Now with that being said. I am referred to as speed donor by my daughters mother. I wanted her in my life but her friend family and other kids. Dang some of my cousins didn’t let that happen. Instead of working with me to have a family and live good and happy. She decides to please The people who brought negative thought and talked about me thru social media making me look bad. But I learned to get pass it. And if she wants to keep my first and only child from me well what can I do. Not much but play her game the way she wants. It will bite her in the ass sooner or later. All the wrong she is doing with our child will come to light soon.

    I’ll continue to love my daughter. I will continue to send the mom the support I will continue to do right by my daughter. And the love I had for mom Well your ignorance mad me see the next woman who now holds my heart. So is bearing my child now. And who I now am engaged to. Thank you for being so ugly to me and allow me to find my family. And soon my daughter will join me in a better home.

    Not all sperm donors are that. Most of us Father’s are here trying to be dads but bitter moms like to make it hard. Game on. True colors come out

    • Padre solo this is exactly why I won’t have any children of my own. I don’t want to end up in your situation, bro. Going strong at 34 and zero kids

  8. I can certainly relate. My children’s Father wasn’t in our children’s life. He knows why but they aren’t boys. Does he know how much he hurt them by not growing close to them & know them. I know how they felt when their Dad didn’t come around to see or get them because I went through the same thing w my Dad. Their Dad came around on special holidays w / different girlfriends L& say aren’t my girls beautiful? His single life was more important. What a horrible situation. MY daughters grew up w/ great honesty, & Godly characteristics. They know what real unconditional love is & are happy & successful but I am sure their hearts still have a big void that can only be mended by the Lord & the person who hurt them. He probably doesn’t even realize the pain they went through or does he care. God is the Father of the Fatherless. Praise God he can heal the broken hearted & help us to forgive & heal. Bitterness decays our bones. Some will know who I am & get upset over this post. The truth sets us free.

  9. Well put !! My sperm donor would pop up randomly! But I would make sure his parents seen my daughter every Sunday after they got out of Church for 5 long years I put their needs and wants before mine. Then I stopped and of course I was a bitter baby momma SMH after 17 years he wants to come back into her life” the last time he saw her was when she was 9” and she is like a little too late to play daddy you are nothing to me ! You didn’t send a bday card check up on me , make sure my mom was okay nothing ! So she refuses to have anything to do It is NOT the mother’s responsibility to make you or your family know my child ! My child knows who puts in effort to spend time with her ! She was raised by an incredible step dad which she said he is just dad no Step !! His loss not ours ! I do thank God everyday for him because he blessed me with a beautiful daughter! I Pray for his health and happiness besides that I don’t deal with him . My daughter is now 26 yrs old ! He has guilt now and contacts me maybe once a year trying to get her attention but my daughter ignores him ! He has to deal with his wrongdoing not me !

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