You see, when I say everything falls on me, I mean it.
There are some things, which incidentally are most things that a mom does, that simply won’t get done if she doesn’t do them.

We have this mental checklist that somehow no matter how much we check off from it, it keeps accumulating.

There’s no end to what we have to do, because when we’re not “doing” we’re planning, and worrying and accommodating and planning some more.
It’s the stuff we do that no one sees that will never get done if we don’t keep up with them.
Like wiping ceiling fans and baseboards.

Like searching for tutors and babysitters.
It’s the buying of birthday presents and Christmas presents.
It’s all the scheduling that won’t get done if we don’t do it – the scheduling that keeps the family running smoothly.

It’s the small stuff that your family expects, that all falls on you, like the tooth fairy.
“The tooth fairy was sick last night” the words my husband said to my son woke me up from the next room.

I woke up in a panic because I forgot. I couldn’t believe that I forgot. He was so excited for this and I forgot. I felt horrible.

My husband gave him an answer and went on about his day— it was simple in his mind. I on the other hand started beating myself up for forgetting something so important.
How could I forget?

My husband doesn’t think this far, doesn’t worry to this extent, because he doesn’t have to. Because it’s always taken care of by me.
In his mind it was simple, the tooth fairy was sick.
In my mind however, I failed and let my son down.
Because it didn’t get done and left my son sad. Even the tooth fairy is part of the mental load I carry—the behind-the-scenes of motherhood that no one sees, only expects.

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