To The Father Who Walked Out On My Child

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1No mother or wife expects their relationship with their husband to fail, but sometimes, that is unfortunately the case.

 
While it’s one thing to walk out on a marriage, it’s another to walk out on your children and the responsibilities of being a father. Here is an open letter from a wife — to the father who walked out on my child.
 

Missing out

You missed out on a great kid. You will miss out on birthdays, graduations, first dates, and watching our kid turn into the amazing adult they are destined to become, with or without you. The letter continues on the next pages…

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47 COMMENTS

  1. This is the voice of someone who does not know how to truly forgive and take responsibility for their life. Especially placing all the blame on the other person and not figuring out why the relationship didn’t work out. If we put all the blame on others nothing changes and we keep attracting the same relationships and making the same mistakes.

    • You’re justifying someone walking out on their own child!!?? I am all for trying to fix the reasons why the relationship didn’t work out, but DO NOT sit there and try to tell me that just because a relationship doesn’t work out its OK to leave your child!!!! it’s not the child’s fault either but guess what, they are the one suffering for it! I honestly hope that you don’t have children. What happens if the mom isn’t what you thought she was and you want to end the relationship, you just going to walk out on your kid too!? SMDH, this is the voice of someone who doesn’t have any common sense, empathy, compassion or, quite frankly, a heart. For you to be able to say things like that is sick!

      • It’s so funny how it’s men who make the ignorant bs comments.. U idiots are probably all dead beats to and don’t live in reality

        • Isn’t that the truth. Most men blame the women its most of their infallibility. My husband left me and out daughter after being in her life 2.5 months out of her 12 yrs. I guess we want good enough for him that’s why he has chosen to go sleep with every truck stop h*e and refuses to pay child support.

          • Amen I agree with youmydaughter is 34 and never seen her father but her Ayer dad stepped in an raised her from 9 years old I’m not begging him to be in her life an my grandsons he’s missing out an never supported her

      • I had 4 children my 1st ex husband never had anything to do with our son,and my 2 youngest children by my 2nd ex husband did not have anything to do with my two youngest children after i had to leave because he was physically abusive to me.He had more to do with our oldest daughter.My children Do not care about their father now.i did no5 get child support for either one of them.i had to get a job and support them.

    • And you sir are an idiot. So it’s the child’s fault this pos walked on her and her mom? You must have been badly abused to think the way you do, by whom, your mother, your wife? I feel sorry for you.

      • No clue how my husband did it. He has two kids with 2 crazy, POS women who made coparenting unbearable, miserable and unrewarding. It was all about control and money for them. But my husband managed to (barely) keep his sanity intact while fighting to maintain a relationship with his kids. I’m sure their mothers paint a different picture, after all NOTHING was ever their fault….but some of us know the true story. I just think that some men dont have it in them.

    • I concur.
      And quit looking for a new relationship before the dust has settled on the old one, you never know who you’re bringing into your children’s live.

    • I truly understand what’s she’s talking about to walk out on me is one thing but your child no phone calls no birthday cards no Christmas no graduation no wedding and all the above as a mother you hurt for your child like how could this be possible but after time you just don’t even think about it any more due to I wouldn’t expect anything different as my child has moved on with her life and has a family of her own she has everything she needs but one day they will sit back and think of everything they did to your baby and realize it’s to late they have lost time that will never be able to be replaced as a mother I struggle but I made it and loved every bit of it I want to thank god for giving me the strength and the opportunities that helped me on that journey

      • I am right there with you. My ex-husband walked out on both of our kids when they were 3&5. No contact, no card no nothing from him. He contacted me a couple years ago when the kids were 15&17 and wanted to talk with them and said that he hoped they knew he loved and missed them. I was like, what the hell. You left that at daycare when it was his weekend and never seen them since and expect them to think that you care. Well neither one of them wanted anything to do with him and didn’t want to speak to him. Through the years I always gave them the option to r eww ach out to him by mail or phone call and they said heck no!! They are now almost 20 & 22 and I have 2 amazing wonderful kids that are good people in this world!

    • Sylvester, speaking as a child who was left, you are a dick! It’s people like you who validate the people who leave their kids without a second thought it looking back.
      Their actions do a lot of damage! How anyone can leave a child without a second thought is beyond me!

    • This women is not blaming anyone she is just stating the obvious he missed out BC he had no CONTACT with the CHILD if he did have contact she wouldn’t be saying he missed out now would she. You abviously have no clue what it is like to answer the questions about why he daddy doesn’t want her?. So please unless you lived it don’t bash it. She is just stating the obvious is all. He missed out BC he walked out on the child. If he left and still had contact with the child is fine but he walked out on both not right the child did nothing to him except love him.

    • You do not have to stay in a bad relationship to stay in your child’s life. It is actually possible to be apart of your child’s life without being in a relationship with the other parent.

    • Wow pretty much in disbelief on your comment. You are assuming it is all the womans fault he left? Did you think maybe the father had his own reasons NOT relating to her to leave? but to never see his kids again it’s a whole new low.
      My marriage ended mutually he moved away and BARELY sees to see his kids his own choice. I encourage him to. I don’t speak bad of him when my children are present. I struggle to get child support and have battled to so for 3 years (we have been apart 4) and after 3 years my children have made a realization that he is a pretty crud dad.

  2. Make better choices in men next time and take responsibility for and the the time to work on the issues that stood between you and a future with your husband. Be real!

    • Why is it automatically always the women’s fault huh? Sexism in this country will never die smh. If he didn’t want to stay you legally cannot force them to stay. Not all people show their true colors until much further on in the relationship.

    • You really are a “man’s man” blaming the woman for everything. I hope and pray every woman you date sees you for the POS you truly are inside. BTW Please don’t have any children.

    • It’s not always the choice you make in a man. You can be with someone who is a really good person but deteriorates over time. It doesn’t have to be a man or woman…but this woman is writing about her personal thoughts. It’s bad when either parent ditches a kid, and I can’t find any excuse for doing so. So, maybe you will be the pillar of parenthood, Luke? I sure hope so because with a comment like that you damn well should be.

    • I was married for 13 years together 20…had 2 kids raised 4..two from his previous marriage. We divorced n he has nothing to do with any of his kids…so u see…choosing a man isnt always the problem…we had a whole life together….n he just forgot them when he threw it all away.

  3. I am divorced. He never paid child support for his fist 3. Nor on my 2. Didn’t even try to see them. His fault we divorced ? No. Ours…..His fault he didn’t see his daughters grow up to bbe the amazing women tney are today. I had help. Thanks to my wonderful parents for supporting my decision to continue my education thst also helped my daughters. I didn’t make the same mistake twice

  4. The children are the victims people, it is not about the 2 adults who chose to procreate, not at all. This isn’t about the adults who did not work things out, but rather about those who chose to walk out and not be part of a childs life…their loss. I can give you both, wait 3 points of view on this topic. My dad was a j*rk and saw my sister and i only sporadically, but i lived and grew thru and past that. More importantly, i am a custodial grandmother who has raised my oldest grandchild all her life. While my daughter, her mother, made slme really, really crappy choices and for manu years saw this precious child only every few months, disappointed her by not showing up when she should, missed out on some very precious celebrations of many kinds honoring this angel child, she did NOT completely walk out on her. Factually, my daughter had to and still is working through her issues. It was better for my grandbaby for me to raise her, provide for her, nurture her and keep her safe and loved and held when her heart hurt. I knew it and so did my daughter, and most importantly, so did God. But…SHE NEVER COMPLETELY WALKED OUT ON HER CHILD! And so it is, but today my daughter has felt the pain and seen the damage she has done and is doing what she can to change things, to do better and she is a constant in my granddaughter’s life. Does she still make mistakes, yes, she has much to learn as a mid twenties young adult, but she visits her daughter regularly now and she does family things with us and my grandbaby’s heart is all the better for it. HOWEVER, the biological father is a total different story. He lives only a couple miles from us and has seen this precious, charming, loving, beautiful, caring, compassionate child only 2 times in her entire life, and she was an infant both times. He has and was given every chanve to be a part of her life, but he chose not to. People, there is no excuse. Men, quit blaming the women. Every relationship has is dynamics, good or bad, but we are talki g aboit the babies born of these relationships. Two adults should be able to put their differences aside for the sake of a child they brought into this world. My husband and i did, and we never spoke ill of or attacked one another in front of our kids…(that may be why we are back together after a temporary break and divorce…because we have respect for one another as our offspring’s parent.) The child suffers, period. My granddaughter asks me about her “dad”, and then dismisses the topic by saying simply thay she doesn’t have one, even though she knows everyone that is born has both a mother and a father. And yes she asks questions about the situation with her mother too. Hence i show you again, it is the child who is the victim. The blame for who didnt work the relationshop out matters not. Quit being selfish. What matters is the hearts and souls of these babies when their parents walk out of their lives…like my grandbabie’s “dad” did some 8 years ago…pathetic, irresponsible, uncaring people do that, not parents…js

  5. No matter how hard it gets with the ex just remember the person you left is the person who your son or daughter has to deal with on a daily basis. If you left because she/he was controlling,anger,abuse issues? Thats who you are leaving with your child with to deal with her/his issues and thats not fair to your child. Chances are your child will take on the same traits. Abandoning a child because you cant handle the person you had a kid with is no excuse and that makes you a weak person and who should have never had one in the first place.

  6. If the woman/man you left because of anger/abuse/control whatever issues just remember you are leaving your kid to deal with that on a daily basis.. Your kid doesnt have the option of leaving and has to deal with it. Plus knowing they were abandoned by a parent isnt good for their growth. They blame one or the other parent no matter what. Sometimes they blame theirselves and live with that weight on their shoulders. Just a thought

  7. Wish I could get a copy of this on one page I know certain fathers won’t read it if it’s in this format but if it’s in just a normal status format I know they’d read it and get the hint.

  8. I wish people would take time and reevaluate the situation. If you aren’t in and emotional or physically abusive relationship and have children you owe it to the kids to work it out. I have been with my husband 35 years and have 3 children together it is hard work to keep a family together. Everything in life isn’t easy, but those who leave are lazy and dont make the effort. Just easy just to walk away. I’m here to say just take a minute to look into the future and see your life without your kids.

  9. Yo, all I’m saying is I take full responsibility for choosing the jackass I did. I dont bash him, I do not take support out, and I dont harass him. When or if he gets his act together he is more than welcome to see his kids. Until then I’ll boss up on my own and show my kids how a real parent gets it done

  10. It is not ok to leave your child. But, it is far better to raise a child in an environment of love,care,compassion and no jealousy. Loving your child may be a road to go alone at raising her but may be the better choice as well..the judgement of the father has yet to be seen as relationships can take a lifetime

  11. I can’t speak for other men, as for myself this article is completely bogus. I pay my child support every month and have for the past 10 years. Yet I get to see my daughter MAYBE 2 weeks out of the entire year. Have got to court several times now (which also cost more money to try and see my daughter) and nothing gets changed. She still does the same thing no matter how many time I have taken her to court. On top of all of that she is the one that tooK my daughter from me. What I’m getting at is that there are times that it truly is the woman’s fault and the blame is 100% on them. Not all dads are dead beats and just because the woman has the custody of the child doesn’t automatically dismiss her from being a dead beat mother. My children that I do have with me and my wife now are loved and taken care of extremely well even though my ex is taking the relationship from them with there older sister.

  12. I concur with Josh, it’s great seeing everyone on here talk about the fathers. Now let’s talk about the selfish vindictive mothers who think replacing daddy is easy. My ex left took my child only minutes after cuddling in bed together then filed a bogus do not contact order against me. I went the first date to find she had it changed that morning already knowing she had taken my daughter more than a hundred miles away. Was on my way to the second hearing by this time I had turned in 22 character letters from people about myself to find out she had it rescheduled it again. I went and begged the court to see my daughter but nothing. On the third hearing I was given the wrong day so she automatically won. Never laid a hand on her and raised what I considered her other two children as part my own for eight years. She has not only alienated me but her other sister her grandparents basically every person that had done anything for her for the past 8 years because her family was trash. I knowing my daughter doesnt see it never fail to tell her goodmorning and goodnight on facebook since the day she was away from me. I also have every up to date picture I can of her. My ex married within 6 months and has my daughter calling another man daddy even though the night she left said she would never hurt me like that. So I hear about deadbeat dads I know there are some bit maybe if you thought more about the child than what ever resentment you have towards your ex the dads wouldn’t have to jump through hurdles just to see their children.

  13. Not every father who has ended a relationship with their with, ended a relationship with they’re child/children.

    Go parenting can work, it’s just up to the parents to be mature and make it work. Both sides.

  14. Not sure if I’m reading this correctly but should a man stay in a toxic relationship just because he has a child with a woman?
    I really agree a father can be a father to his children even he’s not in the relationship that created that child. I also from experience know that mothers sit there and poison their children’s mind about what happened and why.

  15. I just want to say there are worse things than not having a father, like having an abusive one. I live in the state of Michigan. I had 2 kids by a dad who paid support and saw his kids but was emotionally void. He allowed his new (mean) wife to do all the work. She picked my daughter up and backed her to the wall. She called my son a mooch over 2 bucks! Then I had 2 kids with an abusive man. He didn’t pay support but the courts allowed him parenting time. I was always afraid when my kids were with him. He drank. He was violent. I often wished they would have walked away. End of story; I had to work so hard to raise my kids. They were in therapy their whole childhood. They are grown now, daddy #1 told my oldest son on his 18th birthday it was up to him if he helped him anymore, WTH? The daddy of the younger 2 has run away to avoid the thousands he owes in support. My oldest says his dad abandoned him. My oldest daughter feels the same. My younger two actually did better not having any expectations of their dad. Yes, their are worse things than absence.

  16. Ended our marriage in 2006. Nobodies fault, was just a very unfortunate chain of events.
    Ive been trying for years steadily trying to remain in my kids lives but they’re just not having it. Particularly my 19 year old daughter. The things she says to me just crushes me.
    Their mother and i are friends on good terms. I still give her money every month even though its not required. I still go to the hoyse and maintain the yard, fix whats broke. Pay for things i shouldn’t have to. And i happily do so. I try to spend time with my two girls but they don’t want to spend time with me. Yet i keep trying. I also bring food, do favors, i push them to do better. Tell them i love them even when they hate me.
    The house is paid off and i gave it to their mom and them for $1. No lawyers, i just did what i felt was right.
    And for me to do that is allot for me. Im disabled and on a fixed income for the last 20 some years. Im in chapter 7 now.
    Im 57 years old and have gone broke helping them. Ill most likely be renting a room for the rest of my life. I give and i give and have nothing left for myself. I cant say im happy to do so but i am driven to help as much as i can. I can’t help it. Im just wired that way i guess. But its destroying my life. Ive sacrificed every life plan to make sire im not that dead beat dad. Bit my kuds still think im a dead beat. I just dont get it and im so up against the wall here. I dont know how much more i can take before i finally just walk away.
    Some input here would be very helpful.

  17. No clue how my husband did it. He has two kids with 2 crazy, POS women who made coparenting unbearable, miserable and unrewarding. It was all about control and money for them. But my husband managed to (barely) keep his sanity intact while fighting to maintain a relationship with his kids. I’m sure their mothers paint a different picture, after all NOTHING was ever their fault….but some of us know the true story. I just think that some men dont have it in them.

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