I was separated from the biological father of my daughter for about 4 years when I met him.
The day we met online we knew it would be forever, so we took it extremely slow with my girl.
After a few months with just the three of us hanging out, my daughter decided we should all fall in love and be together. So that is when we officially became partners in her eyes.
A few months later, she had to change schools, and since we would have to move to put her in a school that was right for her, it was only logical for him to move in with us.
It has now been two years and we are in our second house together. But now, there is even more glue to tie us all together– another baby.
Here are 10 things I have learned about stepparents/stepchildren:
1. We all have different last names, which can get tricky sometimes.
As a stepparent, you will never be as amazing, strong, pretty, smart, or funny as their real parent.
However, it also depends on their age. In the beginning, my daughter’s father was better in everything when compared to her step dad. But now with age, she is realizing that as cool as her dad may be, her step dad (in our case) is the one who is being a real dad, raising her, taking her to school, knowing all her friends, etc.
In every argument the sentence, “you are not even my real dad” will come up.
Along with this comes pain and jealousy–from the kid to the new partner, from the partner to the biological parent, and from the kid to the new siblings. In our case, my oldest daughter is jealous of my partner and her baby sister. Understandably, as she is no longer the baby, she is worried her step dad might love his biological baby more than her.
People are always comparing the child to the parents, so it’s funny when we hear how much alike they are character-wise; they always say she must take after her (step) dad.
In reality, we all have very similar characteristics, making it easy to look like each other.
As a stepparent, you always have to work and try a little harder.
As a stepdad, you have all numbers against you.
Just watch a random show on Dr. Phil and you might reconsider even being in the same room as your stepdaughter. Already you are a lot more careful around the stepdaughter, just because of the numbers of boyfriends that abuse the children of their girlfriends. But, just because it happens a lot doesn’t mean that all stepfathers are idiots. In my humble opinion, it’s usually the mother’s fault if something happens. How often do you hear that they were so in love and she didn’t want to lose him, or hurt his feelings?
The child comes first.
The child is most important here; they never asked for this situation, and as a mother, you should always believe your child over your new partner. Of course, in most situations, you know very well who is telling the truth.
Make sure your kid is always 1000% sure they can trust you no matter what–even if it’s against the new partner.
Your children should know that as a stepdaughter, they are not really Cinderella.
They have to clean behind their butt just as much as anyone else in this household. There is no carriage waiting outside or fairies that make their dresses. In general, the fairies in this house are called mom and dad. From a child’s point-of-view, that can be very beneficial.